you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
