Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
