just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize