Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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