i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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