If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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