I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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