she sounds like chewbacca in bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
