i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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