YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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