I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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