just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize