how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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