Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
