When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize