just tell him i said nine months
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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