he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
