This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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