woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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