i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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