My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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