I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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