i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
