You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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