Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize