i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
