Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just high enough for therapy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
