I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
