i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize