I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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