Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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