did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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