yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
