I want to walk on stilts...naked
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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