I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize