I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
