I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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