She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
