I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
operation harelip BJ is a go
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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