Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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