Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize