i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
