Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
