I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
