i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
