What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
