the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
