remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
