All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
