I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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