i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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