Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
