if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
