shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
