put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize