Nicole vs. Life
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
