My balls are so social today.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
