It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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