this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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