she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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