Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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