this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
