She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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