I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
