im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
