"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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