You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
