Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
