ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
